Don't feel like celebrating your birthday (bc you feel like a failure😭) - celebrate anyway!🎉💖

This year, I have been feeling the worst I've ever felt. As a recent college grad, you'd think it would be the opposite. But I've been feeling lost and confused and essentially a waste of space. I don't know where to turn or what to do. But now my birthday is coming up, and the last thing I need right now is for me to get older and feel like my life is going absolutely nowhere. I don't know if you can relate, but if you do, just know you're not alone 😭🤧.

Needless to say, I really don't want to celebrate my birthday. I just want to jump into a deep, dark hole and pretend I don't exist. But let's get to the meat of the matter. I don't want to celebrate because I feel unworthy of celebration. I feel as though I have nothing to show, nothing to be proud of, so why celebrate just getting older and being a loser (I have depression and low self-esteem, if you couldn't tell by now, lol). But thinking like that only reinforces this negative belief about myself.

So, let's be real: if you feel the same way, then we both need a massive revamp of our brains if we want anything to change. This means celebrating our birthdays even when we don't want to because we are worthy regardless of what we've accomplished or not. We deserve it no matter the stage we are at in life. Think of this as a freebie day where you can do whatever the hell you want and put all your worries and fears aside. (And don't worry if your birthday has already passed - you can still give yourself a nice freebie day *wink*)

So, to get into the mood of celebrating, let's list things we've done this year, things we've enjoyed, or even things to look forward to. It's time to give yourself some props (especially if it was something seemingly simple - like getting out of bed.) Only you know how challenging something truly is. It doesn't matter if it seems easy to do from an outside perspective. If it's hard for you, it's hard for you, so acknowledge it and praise yourself for doing it anyway. 

I often think I have no reason to celebrate when the truth is I don't give myself enough props. For instance, the fact that I graduated college is a huge accomplishment. There were so many times I wanted to quit, drop out, or get run over by a bus. So, the fact that I made it to the finishing line ALIVE says a lot. And yes, even though I might not have any prospects or direction right now (because I was too depressed to make plans for them), I'm fortunate to have the support of my parents while I figure it out.

Other cool experiences I've had this year: 

• Finally doing Brazilian Zouk dance classes - a dance form I've been obsessed with for over a year!

• I started this blog (whoop whoop!!)

• And a new fitness program (less whoop but still)

• Spent time with my friends (even when I had the huge urge to isolate) :) 

But most importantly, I'm proud of the days even when I couldn't get out of bed. I'm still here, after all.

So yes, list them all - big or small.

Hopefully, that's gotten you feeling a bit better and a little more excited. Because now, here comes the fun part of doing whatever the hell we want to celebrate! It seems obvious, but we get so used to doing what's expected of us that we never pause to ask ourselves whether this is what we want.  I know social media makes it seem like you have to have the best birthday with stunning pictures to show for it, but if that's not what truly makes you happy, let's focus on things that do. It could be something as simple as ordering your favorite takeout or dessert and having a movie marathon of all your favorite movies. Do whatever makes you feel good because it is YOUR Birthday, and you get to spend it however you want! 

If you're looking for some ideas, I've made a list below according to energy levels (because I'm someone, if I don't have the energy, then forcing myself to do it will just make me miserable). Remember, the point of Your Birthday is that it's a day for YOU, and on this blog, we're all about doing the things that make us feel good, whole, and alive. 

Low Energy Levels

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

For when you want to celebrate but don't have much energy.  

• Have a cozy day in 

• Order delivery for your favorite food or dessert

• Read, play games, crochet, watch your favorite movies or TV shows - (whichever activity you enjoy) 

• If you're low energy but feeling social - call a friend 

Medium Energy 

Photo by Jessica Hearn on Unsplash

Go to the Park/beach / your favorite spot 

• Bring snacks and items for activities you enjoy (Ex books, sketchpad, or your phone for some Netflix)

• Or just look at the sky, listen to the waves, or play your favorite playlist 

• (your favorite spot could also be an ice cream place, the rooftop garage of a building, etc.) 

High Energy 

Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash

• Going somewhere new, whether that's a restaurant, museum, etc 

• (Somewhere you've always wanted to go to but never been)

Super High energy

• Music or dance festival, concert

• Travelling to a little getaway

I'm going to try out a new brunch restaurant with my sister and cousin. Then afterward, my friends are throwing me a Sabrina Carpenter birthday party (I'm obsessed!). I'm really grateful for my friends and family because otherwise, I would not have the motivation. They always manage to lift my spirits. If you feel this way too, then I definitely recommend hanging out with your friends for your birthday. 

For your birthday, do what gives you even a little bit of joy because even the smallest amount of happiness is worth it (as my therapist used to say). Whether that's cuddling up with a good book, gazing at the stars, having a picnic, or watching your favorite movie. It doesn't have to feel draining or cost a lot of energy you just don't have these days. 

Anyway, I hope this helps. I know how easy it is to feel bad when you think you're not meeting societal/other's/ personal expectations. But here on this blog, we're all about doing things our own way that feels good to us. We're on the path to being ourselves and living in a way that truly feels aligned with who we are, and this is a space where we get to do it together. 

I hope you enjoy your day because you deserve it no matter what anyone else (or yourself) says.

Happy Birthday 

muah 💋